7.04.2008

Dear Church Friend - VBS

I'd like to start a series of posts called 'Dear Church Friend' in which I address some of the issues I'm thinking through. The series was inspired by InternetMonk's post What You Can't Say Around Christians.


Dear Church Friend,


When you said, “We sure missed you at VBS. We had so much fun!” the real meaning wasn’t lost on me. I know you really meant “Where were you? It's sad that you kept your children away from all the wisdom we imparted. Oh, and they go to public school, too. GASP! Poor thing. Your kids needed this information most of all! You even missed all the Aren’t-You-So-Proud-of-Me Points that I collected! In fact, I’ve almost got my Ministry Merit Badge! I’m a LEADER. Come to my Bible study and we’ll get you on the straight and narrow.”


Church Friend, I know I've been heavily involved in the past, so this is pretty confusing for you. I decided against a press conference, but quietly resolved after many years and countless injuries, that I will no longer compete in the Spiritual Olympics. No more running races and competing with others to win position or favor from man or God. I know that you don't intentionally compete with people, I didn't either. But this is what happens when true discipleship is replaced with hierarchy and position. I know you want to help people, and feel like this leadership role is the logical next step in your growth, but it's Mary and Martha all over again. We'll talk more on this thought later. I have much to say!


The truth is, I have been re-evaluating some things, ‘recalibrating’ you might say. The VBS curriculum from that Young-Earth-Creationism-Only-Or-You-Are-The-Spawn-Of-Satan-Or-A-Liberal group does not, at this point, pass recalibration muster. But I’m still evaluating. And for once, I’m okay with being in a state of flux. I’m at peace with not having my mind made up. It’s not imperative for me to have all of the answers any longer. And no, I don't think God is ready to smite me because I don't have him all figured out yet. Wow, just typing that is liberating!


Content aside, I really didn’t want to spend an entire week at the church building. I’ve moved away from the whole, “If we build it, they will come,” mentality. I know this flies in the face of the new building that y’all approved funding for recently. Candidly, I can’t think of a more foolish way to spend money. We were told to GO. Not throw out a line and wait for fish to bite. And don’t for a minute think I’m making ‘strategic friendships’ either. That’s just as wrong and completely disingenuous. Manipulation and scheming are not evangelism. My husband and I are doing our best to be involved with the community in any capacity possible. We coach, volunteer at school, help people move, etc. You know, we just generally try to be neighborly and kind while building relationships with people. I think they call it living out our faith in community. It’s amazing how much more time we have for that sort of thing when we aren’t at a Bible study or other program every night of the week and in a pew twice every Sunday. I know what you’re thinking, “But how will they know you’re a Christian if you’re not giving them tracts or turning down their dinner invitation so you can go to church?” Don’t even get me started on that one…


Oh, and there’s the whole issue of not wanting my children to make complete fools of themselves at school when they can spout (with much pride, I might add) everything they learned at VBS, but can’t rationally, calmly, and humbly discuss what’s being taught in class. And Evangelicalism complains that ‘Liberals’ have an agenda? Whoa. That pot-kettle thing comes to mind. Obviously, like many things with me lately, my parenting style has changed a great deal in the last two years. We tried the homeschool thing. Didn’t work for us for a plethora of reasons, but that’s another letter in itself. We put them in the public school last year and I am so glad that we did. I no longer fret about what those ‘Liberal’ schools are teaching them. My children feel comfortable asking me about things they learn in school. They feel comfortable questioning what they’re taught, but in a respectful way. Could it be that the goal in this-here parenting thing is that we raise adults that can own their faith, not just regurgitate what they’ve been taught? I can’t imagine what it would be like to be an 18 year-old who goes off to college and out into the world for the very first time. Bite. Size. Pieces. With gentle guidance. In real-world situations. That’s how they learn and interestingly enough, that's how disciples are made as well. Hmmm....


Your seemingly-uncommitted-Christian friend,


jo

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW. This is SO good!!!!!!

jo said...

Thanks, Molly! I have been biting my tongue for a long time now. Honestly, I feel better just getting it out...even if it's only on a blog. Maybe at some point I'll have the courage and grace to actually say what needs to be said.

Stay tuned... I'm working on a few more letters to church friends. One on the aforementioned 'building plan' and another on forced mentorship.

Thanks for reading!

TheNormalMiddle said...

---WOW! I clicked thru a link at MOlly's blog and can I tell you I laughed at the "decided not to hold a press conference" part!?!?

You and I have, sadly, much in common. But I mean that in a good way. I'm glad we're both reprocessing and thinking out things. But I am sad we've both probably been hurt in the process.

I'm a former hs'er and I'm returning to public school in the fall not only as a teacher myself, but all three of my kiddies are going there too.

If I didn't know better, I would swear you went to the same church as I did :)

jo said...

Good grief! I just read your intro post at WWF and your Blogger profile. We DO have much in common. Besides also being a sweet-tea & LOST addict, I love to read [currently reading Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies] and have also been both a working mom and a SAHM. Right now I'm doing freelance graphics work mostly from home, with a little travel thrown in every now and then.

We will, however, have to part ways with the Duke basketball thing. Ew! Just joking... Sorta. ;) I'm a proud Kansas State Wildcats fan who is married to a very obnoxious Kansas Jayhawk. Painful, I tell you! Imagine yourself married to a Tar Heel, and I'm sure you will understand my pain... I'm a huge sports fan in general and really wish I could find an old ladies basketball league to be a part of. I miss playing! I do coach, but it's not quite the same.

All kidding aside, it sounds like we've been down a very similarly painful road. I didn't join up with the VF folk, but I was definitely into the Dobson/Falwell/AFA/SBC political culture war crapola. In our religio-political zeal, we changed churches and burnt a lot of bridges there. Simply put, I was stupid and arrogant and thought God had big plans for us to really make 'a difference' in this culture war. It makes me gag to think of it now! I really wish I could mend a lot of the relationships we lost, but after the mess we've gone through and where we are now spiritually, we just don't have much in common with our former friends anymore. The church we left has a new pastor and they are now headed in the same direction as the mega church we left them for. They just built a new building and are continually drawing people more and more into the culture war and the 'us vs. them' mentality. One couple we were pretty close to spends most all of their time at the church and even left their teaching jobs at the public school in town to teach at a Christian school 30 miles away. Their children go with them. It breaks my heart to watch more and more Christians eschewing the community that so desperately needs our 'saltiness' so that they can feel safe in their little Christian moat-guarded castle. [I think I feel a new blog post coming on!]

It's good to know that there are others out there like you going through the same thing and coming to a lot of the same conclusions, but it's also sad to think you're going through the same pain. Sounds like you and your family are on the path to healing and I hope you have at least found peace for the time being.

It's been nice 'meeting' you and I look forward to your future posts at WWF!

jo

dan dickinson said...

What an absolutely neat journey you are on. I think many have called it "Free Ranger Believers". Living in relationships with other believers but not necessarily in an institutional church. I tell people now when they ask what church I go to that I go to "The Church of Twos and Threes". I actually had someone who had no idea what I was talking about say, "Oh yeah, I have heard of that."

Here is some good guys to listen to as you recalibrate. There are lots of interesting podcasts in the archives that are so similar to your story. Wayne's book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore" is a fast reading fiction but it so spoke my heart better than I could.

http://www.thegodjourney.com/podcast.html

Dollymama said...

I love this! Way to go. Many of these reasons are why we go to a church that has one service a week, and the rest of the time we have to actually Live It.

Anonymous said...

I love this post! So true! I'm working on rethinking faith right now too. Not too many conclusions right now, but I know the institutional church just doesn't seem like they've got it right at the moment.

Cristi